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Posted by angelsmommy on January 26, 2003 at 15:03:40:

Hello Everyone,
My name is Dayle. It is very nice to have found this board. I have read the posted and since I have been crying all day, anyway.. I shed more tears for everyone here.
I came to this site to look for German Shepard information and found the Memorial Page, put in my most recent lose, and then found the message board here.
I do rescue and have lost many babies through out the last two years. I am the one who seems to take the sickess of the pets, always thinking I will some how save them. I have been that way since I can remember at age 9! It NEVER gets easier.. never does the pain seem to fade away. In the past few months, I lost two of the most beautiful kittens. Both of them dumped and left to make it alone. I was suppose to save them. I didnt. Autumn and Honey Girl will always remind me, I have to never give up. I must still try to be there for the ones left behind.
I recently fostered for seven pit mix pups. I made sure I screened people, applications, home visits, made them sign tons of contracts. Gave them all the information on breeds I believed they were mixed with. I stressed to MAJOR things. The neuter/spay contract and the training contract. I am including this information so you can see why I am so upset with myself. Actually I hate myself at this point.
Being the person I am, loving and caring for animals my entire life.. I can NOT believe that I ever trusted my Bethie, enough to let her go outside without me. I mean she is a dog, right? One day I HAD to realize that she would WANT to see what is on the other side of the road.. and she just needed a chance to be alone to do it. I rescued her from a crate full of urine and feces. I VOWED to protect her and love her forever. She gave me every tiny bit of love her heart could hold. She trusted me to keep her safe. I didnt.
She was hit by a car and I wasnt there to save her. I do not know what to do with myself. I feel like a hypocrite and a loser. I am not looking for sympathy. I dont think?! I am so confused, hurt, scared, angry.. I do want everyone to know I am so ashamed of myself I can't even call my own family to tell them what happened. This was January 23rd. I walk around aimlessly.. I am lost.
My major concern now is that I REFUSE to let my cocker spaniel go. I dont want to. It is selfish of me, I know that.. I am upset that I am losing my babies and cant let her go. If anyone can Please Please tell me I have to do what is right for her and not be so selfish.
Ok, I am sure you all see I am confused and dont have a clue what or how to write. I was hoping to feel better, by confessing my guilt. Maybe one day I will. I did make her a little page so far.
Thank You for listening!!
Dayle & the gang

Follow Ups:

• Re: thanks to all! angelsmommy 01/29/03 (0)
• Re: New Here. Had a few recent Loses and faced with PTS Kowens 01/28/03 (0)
• Re: New Here. Had a few recent Loses and faced with PTS Petsr4life 01/26/03 (1)
  • Re: New Here. Had a few recent Loses and faced with PTS PHRottn 01/26/03 (0)