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Posted by Rosy on March 25, 2003 at 11:01:16:

I thought I would share Shadow's story because reading how other people made the decision to PTS helped me get over the bad feelings I was having while making my own decision.
I brought Shadow home from the pound when she still had puppy breath. She was the most "eager to please" dog you will ever see, housebroken in 3 days, learned everything I tried to teach her within 15 minutes and retained it all for life. Part lab and part dachschund, she had a natural pointing and retrieving ability and would play ball for HOURS until I was exhausted. I got her shortly after my sister and grandmother passed away within a month of each other, and I was an emotional wreck. Shadow had a way of knowing when I needed someone and would lay her head on my knee, nuzzle under my arm, or just lick my hand as if to say she understood. She was with me through all my major life changes...high school, marriage, new baby, divorce...and always knew when I needed her.
A few years ago Shadow started to get arthritis in her back legs and back. She had trouble getting up, trouble running, and eventually trouble just walking and standing in place. She then started getting arthritis in her right front leg, which she now can't place any weight on, she literally has one good leg to stand on. She walks, a kind of shaky, slow stumble, but she can't run anymore, except on really good days (about once every two months). About a year ago she started to act differently, too. She gets stuck in places she should easily be able to get out of, under tables with 4 exits, etc. She forgot how to be housebroken, causing a UTI to go undetected for awhile. Even after treatment for the UTI she still goes potty in the house, we find her messes all over. She's also mostly deaf, only very loud noises get her attention. She's going blind, and seems to only see movement. Her sniffer doesn't work so good, either.
Recently, in the past six months, she began to cough and have trouble breathing. A visit to the vet made the cause known, congestive heart disease. She's also suffering from kidney and liver disease. Because of the myriad of problems she suffers, there's no way to treat any one without affecting the others. She coughs more, and breathing is very difficult for her sometimes. She's lost almost a third of her body weight, and she was never a heavy dog. Where before she would at least be interested and watch while my son and I played in the backyard, now she only wants to go lay down and be asleep. Sleep takes up almost her entire day, because she doesn't have the energy to do anything else. She used to be vibrant, if not in body then in mind, and now she's rarely interested in anything. I know she's in a lot of pain, that she doesn't understand why she can't just breathe, just get up and walk, even sitting down is a chore. I had told myself that when she had more bad days than good I could make the decision easily. It wasn't easy, and now she doesn't actually have good days, just days that aren't as bad, and even those are rare. Last week she collapsed in a spot that wasn't her normal spot (as an old dog she has routine place she lays) and didn't respond to anything I did. She was actually having to work at breathing. I laid down with her and she was like that for the rest of the night. I thought, "If I could end it now, I would, she'd want that," but of course I couldn't, it was the middle of the night. In the morning she was still with us. I knew that I had to do something for her, and the only thing I can do for her now is end her pain and send her on to a better place, somewhere she can be vibrant again. Call it Rainbow Bridge, call it Doggie Heaven, or just call it Peace, I can do that for her. I will miss her terribly, every day I know I will look for her when I come home and she won't be there. When I have a bad day and need a cold nose against the back of my hand, she won't be there. I know that there will be days when I feel badly about the decision I've made, but I also know that I don't want to see her get any worse than she is. I hope that she understands when I take her to the vet on Saturday that I love her, and that I'm not doing this to cause her pain. I hope I can be strong for her, the way she was for me the past 15 years. I called and made the appointment yesterday, and when I got home from work she seemed to know I was upset, and sure enough came over and stuck her nose in my palm, just like always.
I will miss her forever...

Follow Ups:

• Re: Shadow's story (long) PHRottn 03/25/03 (1)
  • Re: Shadow's story (long) Rosy 03/26/03 (0)
• Re: Shadow's story (long) Petsr4life 03/25/03 (1)
  • Re: Shadow's story (long) Rosy 03/26/03 (0)